It is astonishing the number of young Christian ladies who get married for all the wrong reasons. Many may even not be aware of how erroneous their reason for getting married may be and this is because they have allowed the world to redefine marriage to them. Marriage is not a human idea. It is defined by God and as a young lady, it will necessitate that you get into the sacred institution of marriage with God-oriented reasons.
I had it in me to share with you some categories of what I have termed “counterfeit marriage”, with the purpose of opening our eyes to the subtle deceptions Christian ladies get themselves into.
- Social Security Marriage
Many young girls get into marriage simply because of the state or stature of the man. They think of the advantages it may bring, for example, to their professional life and their status in society. Most of the time, the ladies who find themselves in this kind of marriage may not have accomplished anything in life and they want to use their marriage as an accomplishment. The Word of God says that it is the more than virtuous woman who brings food to her household from a far country (Proverbs 31:10-31). Do not be idle. If no one has employed you, employ yourself and do something with your hands so you will be able to invest in the Church and in your household because God created the woman to be a helper.
2. Self-Esteem Marriage
This is when someone gets married because they have low self-esteem or because of inferiority complex. Some Christian ladies unfortunately think that getting married means the start of a new life. They think by getting married, it will establish their identity. Marriage will not do this for you. You should have an established identity before you get married. You do not change after you get married; marriage simply amplifies whatever you are. Getting married will not make you what you are not.
3. Arranged Marriage
Most of the time, in the African society, parents put together a couple without the parties involved having any say in it or without their full volition. An arranged marriage is marrying the man of your parents’ profile. When you want to get married and you wonder what will mummy or daddy think, then you are looking for someone who meets the profile of your parents.
4. Emergency Marriage
An emergency marriage is linked to some form of pressure. It is when the man and woman have not had time to develop their courtship but want to, unfortunately, get married. A true relationship is built with time; impatience is a sign of immaturity. In an emergency marriage, something rises that gives the man and woman involved the mind-set that they must marry at all cost; for example, pregnancy or in the case where one of them has to travel.
5. Fantasy Marriages
Many young women find themselves in this delusion that they are like Cinderella, suffering and caught up in the basement of life not able to do anything unless they get married. Your life does not start when you get married. You need to bring life to your marriage, and not focus on bringing marriage into your life. Many have lived their lives so miserable, waiting for someone to come and pick them up and as a result, when they do get married, they do not know how to live in the marriage. Be someone who knows how to live. That is why it is important to be founded in the Owner of life, because you cannot build your relationship without the life which He alone can give. The Giver of life, God, is the only one who gives you the ability to contaminate your own days with life; to impart your marriage and relationship with the life He gives.
6. Peer Pressure Marriage
Most of the time, when we see our friends, classmates and sister getting married, we get into the pressure of also wanting to get married. Paul the apostle said, “comparing themselves with themselves, they were not wise” (2 Cor. 10:12). You should get married because you want to, not because someone else is getting married. You get married when your spirit is appeased with the decision; when there is union between your soul and your motives, union between yourself and your spirit, union between your motives and the purpose of marriage, and when you are free from considering what others may think about you or do.
7. Desperation Marriage
This is when the lady says yes to whosoever comes her way first, after having waited for long. Impatience is the sign of immaturity. Many people make permanent choices because they get impatient and as a result they get into desperation marriage.